her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Randomize
