Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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