i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
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i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
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Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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