I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
