i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
