There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
