i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
