Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
