I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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