gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
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