why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
