Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
