I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
