No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Randomize
