Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
