so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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