you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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