I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
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Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
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I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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