Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
