He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
