just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize