its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
