i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
what day is it and did you see me today?
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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