Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
