I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize