and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
