Farmville is her only friend.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
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Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
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Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
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