So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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