Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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