this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Randomize
