I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
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