I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
