so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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