I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Randomize
