his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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