i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Randomize
