My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
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