Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
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