About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Randomize
