I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
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