we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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