Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
