Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
