i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Randomize
