Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
