hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
