the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Randomize
