why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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