So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
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I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
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The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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