Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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