you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
