sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Are we still banned from the library?
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
