dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
