Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Randomize
