tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
