but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
