sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
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