Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Randomize
