The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
