I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Randomize