At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
