i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Randomize
