I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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