i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Drunk is a universal language darling
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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