Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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