It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
you never un-have a 4some
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
